…the heavens parted, the angels sung, and I managed to eat an apple.
Consuming fruit that is not surrounded by a flaky pastry feels like a victory to me these days.
I was noticing signs of the second-trimester awesomeness when I was in New York, but they seemed to fade. Plus, I was fighting a cold last week and the nausea came and went in waves with just enough momentum that there was no way I was throwing up my hands in thanks and praise for the passage of time. But then. THEN.
Friday I went home from work a couple of hours early to sleep and try and get rid of the cold for good. I took it easy all night and when I woke up on Saturday? I wrote a blog post, put away laundry, had breakfast, went to the mall and my nephew’s baptism. The next day I cleaned out my entire pantry, the refrigerator, did four loads of laundry, went to a party and ATE REAL FOOD. Also? We bought groceries.
Buying groceries became an exercise in futility. Each time I watched that commercial that pokes fun at folks who let food go to waste, I felt as though they were mocking me. Oh the amount of food we had to toss in the first couple of weeks in this pregnancy. Nothing sounded good, let alone what sounded good to me at the grocery store two days earlier. We ate out for almost every single meal. And even then the word “eating” should be applied loosely.
One afternoon, I asked for a chicken sandwich from a specific restaurant here in Chicago. Scott jumped in the car and went to secure it for me. I took one bite, declared it “gross” and threw it away.
Oh but now. Now the idea of food does not gross me out. The idea of healthy food does not gross me out. I feel as though I’m no longer inhabited by a very picky 13-year-old teenager who only wants to consume food wrapped in a starched and, possibly, served up with a side of some sort of potato. Of course now I’m hungry with a capital H, but that’s OK. Because I purchased whole-wheat crackers and cheese! I have yogurt! I have fruit! And I’m looking forward to consuming them all!
I have to be careful that all of this new-found verve for life doesn’t overwhelm me – twice now I’ve had to actually lie down because I became flat-out dizzy from all of the cleaning and organizing. The exhaustion still hasn’t completely abated. I’m partially convinced that has something to do with knowing that now I can open my pantry and it not only does not make me want to ralph from the combination of the smells, but also because it has been organized within an inch of its life. I mean, Sunday? I organized the plastic bins in our basement. I’m on a roll!
Better yet, I walked into work yesterday in a great mood, happy to greet whatever challenge faced me. I wasn’t at all distracted and consumed by the feeling of constant sickness and since I finally made it out to buy some maternity clothes, I didn’t spend the majority of my day pulling and grappling with my cobbled-together wardrobe. Yesterday my friends mentioned that I finally looked pregnant.
You’re all so sweet to remind me how very much not alone I was in my feeling that pregnancy is not all it’s cracked up to be. It’s helpful, and is making me appreciate how I’m feeling right now even more. It’s true that I really do have the space in my brain to think about how many good things are headed our way. I don’t want to claw out the next person who asks me if I’m excited about our daughter. I still don’t want to squee and fawn over it, but at least I can muster a smile and a gracious “thank you” and have it be a genuine expression of how I feel.
I had to smile when I read your post. I remember the day I craved a salad…not just plain lettuce with ranch dressing (the ONLY vegetable I could eat)…a real salad. I was so excited that I almost cried. I knew the 10 week diet of meet, cheese and sugar was coming to an end. Unfortunately, I gained 10lbs in my first trimester. As a Pilates instructor it was hard to hear, “you are gaining too much weight”. I had never heard those words uttered to me. In the end I gained 45lbs, but delivered a happy, healthy and wonderful little boy. Once you hold your child, you do forget the pain in the ass stuff you went through for 9 months. You also forget about all those trivial things that you once obsessed about. A baby will teach you very fast what is important in life. It is a wonderful experience. Congratulations!
I was so happy when fruit started looking edible again. I had been feeling really guilty about my all-carb diet, but what can you do? You eat what stays down.
I am probably going to comment on like every single post here, because I am in that state of mind where there’s nothing but baby baby baby BABY baby baby (also known as being overdue…) and my energy reserves pretty much allow for movement between the computer desk and couch.
I remember the first day I felt well-ish again at around 15 weeks. We went to the mall and I looked around and everything seemed so bright and I told my husband it was like I had just come out of a long illness and back to the real world.
Oh, thank heavens. I am really glad that you’re able to enjoy life again. And eat!
Right on. As a woman, I feel like there are so many moments in our lives that we are “required” by “them” to feel a certain way about. You’re supposed to feel like a glorious blushing bride, to glow your way through pregnancy, to revel in every motherly moment. All of these things are wonderful things that I am so happy I’ve got the chance to experience…but it’s not like *every moment* of getting married, being married, getting pregnant, and having children is this glorious dream come true. So thanks for being honest. Your straighforward attitude will do you well in motherhood, I think.