Today I fell right in the middle of Rush Street downtown. In front of a group of coworkers.

I sort of knew this would happen – I am not graceful under normal circumstances, much less pregnant ones. I managed to fall on my knee, and then roll to the left, avoiding my belly, so no harm no real foul but whoa. Pain.

I wasn’t nearly as embarrassed as I thought I would be, but I’ll say that my reflexes, and the extra weight in places I’m not accustomed to, meant that I fell with such weirdness that I didn’t probably didn’t have time to think about what my coworkers thought of me. Plus, they’re all nice people, and I’m pregnant. Pregnant ladies aren’t on their A game, I guess. We get a pass.

I’ve got a whole post I’ve been working on about drug-free birthing – is that the PC thing to call it? It’s such a minefield to try and navigate that it gives me cramps – but it’s becoming too long and windy and taking forever to edit and wrap-up, which is a shame because I know a lot of you guys want to talk about the whole hypnobirthing thing, and I’m excited to talk more about it with you, but I feel like it’s important to talk about why I’m choosing this route before I do.

But for now, until I get the post in working order, I’m just checking in. I’m entering this very emotional, clearly hormonal phase of this pregnancy. I said the other day that I’m bouncing off the walls with the hormones. At this point, I feel as though with every bounce I’m taking chunks of plaster out of the wall with me. Somehow I manage to contain it during the day, and I attribute most of that to having good friends at the office who allow me a few minutes every day to talk and laugh. Otherwise? Oof. But even then? I think I probably ought to take a day or two off, and I probably ought to do it before we have people here working on the house for a six-week stretch.

I did start getting prenatal massages, and I somehow managed to find a place that will charge me a ridiculously cheap rate. I put off getting these for a while now but I’m relatively certain that if I don’t take some steps to relax and manage how hormonal I’ve been, I’ll become unhinged.

Since I can’t have it all, I’m opting to do a prenatal yoga DVD at home, and it’s lovely, except for the Kegel exercises oh my God I hate those things. Seriously. You just say the word and it makes me uncomfortable. And cringe-y. And can I admit something to you? I’m never sure if I’m really doing them right. Seriously. It’s not like you can ask someone to demonstrate it for you.

Not that I want to, of course. But yeah. They’re in the DVD program.

One of the things that my doula/hypnobirthing teacher mentioned on Sunday was the need to put ourselves first and take care of ourselves and our emotional well-being. I’ve always been a bit crap about this, at least until I hit a breaking point. I don’t really have that luxury right now, since any bit of fear and anxiety I’m processing and internalizing goes directly to my daughter.

I have to say that all I could think when I faceplanted today was, “Oh she’s going to feel this one.” As soon as I made my way upright again, I moved forward and rubbed my belly, letting her know it was OK. I hope she heard, though she’s been with me for a while now – I don’t know that she believed me much. She probably knows better.

So I’m trying. It’s not as though any of this is abnormal, this hormonal wall-banging, but I’m not good with not channeling it in some fashion. At least some fashion that doesn’t include mainlining the peanut butter fudge ice cream from Target. Holy Moses. That is some amazing ice cream.