Eight posts since the calendar flipped over to 2013.
This is probably the least I’ve ever written since I launched this blog in 1999, to say nothing of since I was able to craft a sentence and called it “writing.”
There’s a multitude of reasons for that, none of which are particularly interesting or noteworthy, though in short I haven’t had the motivation or desire. It isn’t that nothing happened; plenty has:
- I finished the NOLA half and it was awesome and I had a great time with my friend, Danielle, as well as new friends Allison and Krista.
- I started writing a column for Huffington Post Parents, though not really. Looking to remedy that this weekend.
- I turned 37 and took a week off of work to do absolutely nothing.
- I visited New York and Minneapolis.
- Work was incredibly stressful and busy and soaked up just about everything in me. I’ve gained about ten pounds, which I don’t think is a coincidence.
- Scott got laid off. See above weight gain.
- The process to have my first marriage annulled finally got up and underway. I’m also much more renewed in my faith, though I’m as liberal and stubborn as ever.
- I completed Ragnar and it was the most awesome, life-changing experience and I’m pretty sure without running I’d be a disaster at the moment. I did this with three of my oldest friends and it’s safe to say I actually had some withdrawal after.
So there’s been some stuff. Mostly the work-related items have caused us the most stress, and it’s left our little family tired, numb and re-examining mostly everything. Which is what should probably happen in these instances. Instead of falling to pieces, we ended up with a stronger resolve for the things that we want for ourselves, for our family. That sounds like vague-blogging; it’s not meant to be. Mostly I’m just referring to the commitment we made to communicate and be nice to each other since, you know, we’re a team, and you realize in the dark times just how much easier those commitments are to agree on when you’re not worrying about your savings and future. Mostly I’m just referring to the desire we have to create space and give support to each other to follow our passions and maybe get some extra sleep. We have not always been perfect with each other, but we managed to continue to love and respect each other, and in doing so, through a whole heap of stress and sadness, feel like perhaps a stronger family unit was a lovely residue to this period.
Then there is Abigail. She is awesome. She is singing and dancing and talking and running and approaching life with joy in the way only a toddler can. She tells my sister that she is her best friend. AG will look my jewelry, my pants, my jackets, my shoes and tell me how much she likes them and then asks to wear them. She will say she is going to “run like Mommy.” She can count to 16, though she has a serious prejudice against the numbers 4 and 5 and disregards them on the regular. She knows her alphabet by sight, the letters by sound and can sing along with me when I belt out “You Are My Sunshine” which makes me cry every time.
AG will talk about “her friends” and “her buddies” and sometimes she is talking about her Elmo and Winnie-The-Pooh dolls, and sometimes she is talking about the kids at the park or any number of our friends’ kids. She loves the park across the street from our house with an unbridled passion and climbs EVERYTHING. She is fearless, and not even in a toddler-type way. Abigail is cocksure and brave in a way that suggests something is knitted within every fiber of her being and to not heed that instinct would be for her like wearing a swimsuit in January.
Sometimes, the look on her face when I suggest she “be careful” on any number of contraptions she’s seeking to conquer, seems to say “Are you fucking crazy? Do you know what’s on the other side?”
The truth is that I know and so I just unclench my fists and relax my face and cheer her on, hoping for the best.
And this seems to be the way right now. Scott will settle in a new job soon. I’ll write more soon. We will hope for the best.