Tonight, as I snuggled with AG in her glider before putting her down for bed, I allowed my mind to wander into those little blissful corners where it typically is too preoccupied to go. Where I count my blessings and dream and am filled with such overwhelming gratitude for my life.
(Thanks, everyone, by the way, for your kind emails and comments about my Dad. There is no easy way to say your parent/loved one had a stroke, but I mean this sincerely that in the pantheon of strokes, an occipital one is not the worst one to have. At least his was not. I truly don’t want to diminish it, but I also truly don’t want to overstate it, either. He’s doing really well, and seeing a new doctor, and we all feel really lucky it wasn’t worse.)
I am working hard and managing stress better. To be present and mindful. I’m not doing really well at this, but I’m not totally failing, either. It’s like any new skillset. To excel takes time, patience and practice. So I am practicing.
Sitting in stillness with my daughter is one of them. I take with glee the moments she gives me to cuddle up before bed, to let me sing her lullabies and smooch on her head. As Coach Taylor once said, “Money comes and goes, but these kids of ours, that’s a one time deal.” The business of managing our life will wait. Right here, right now, my kid is sighing contentedly and happily and it’s all because of me.
“Dah! DAH! Dahdahdahdah!”
And there it was. After 15 solid minutes of this dreamy, snuggly silence, my sweet girl made it known who she was looking for to join in this – Daddy. No joke, all weekend, it’s been Abigail calling after and for her Dad. I laughed and said, “MaMA! Mama!” Quietly, and, I swear, with an eyeroll, “Mamamamamamamama.”
Perhaps for our entire lives Abigail will simply indulge me, grace me with moments to keep me going, even if they aren’t what she’d choose.
I’ll take it. Again and again. Besides, her Daddy is pretty awesome.