Dear Abigail,
The other day, as I came out of a very fuzzy state, having been under general anesthesia for my long-awaited sinus surgery, I was asked the following question from the nurse on duty:
“Isn’t it hard being away from your daughter,” she asked as she checked my vitals and made conversation, asking me what I do for a living. “I just couldn’t be away from my son five days a week.”
Sigh.
Earlier, before going into surgery, another nurse looked at your dad and I and said, “Well where is the baby?” Maybe it was because they’d screwed up the surgery time, and I hadn’t eaten since the night before, but I looked that woman right in the eye and said, “Oh, we left her with the dog. But don’t worry. The dog is really good with her and they’re great friends.”
Here we are, seven months into your life on earth, and I remain dumbfounded by questions like these from other moms. To the nurse who tended to me after surgery? I gently grabbed her hand and said, “I am glad you have the option you do,” after she told me she was able to bring home a full-time salary by working 12 hours a day, three days a week. To the other nurse, pre-op, she just laughed at my response.
Your Dad was very proud of me for not losing my marbles on either of these women. I really wanted to, after all. I remain dumbfounded that any person could mother and let those sort of mindless comments spill from her or his lips. Oh it’s a complex business, this mothering business.
In case there is any doubt? I miss you like mad, all day long. Especially the older you get, the more entertaining. You’re such a neat little person.
1) You are stupendously curious. I know babies are curious as a whole, but I can’t get over how focused and intent you are on figuring the world – your world – out. I maintain, the more you develop physically, that all of your irritation with the world at large had much to do with how curious you are and how desperate you seem to figure things out. The easier it is for you to control your own destiny – say, get your hands on a rattle you want a few inches away, grab it, bring it to you and sit up and play with it to your heart’s content – the happier you are.
2) Your smile. While it’s true that you’re still stingy with the smiles, but when you do? Holy Moses. Your mouth opens up huge and wide, so wide, with so much force, that your neck buckles a little, and you’re forced to tuck your chin into your chest, as if the weight of all of your glee is too much for your body just yet. It’s amazing to see these smiles. To be the reason for so many of them throughout the day is more than my heart can bear. It buckles, too.
3) Your determination. Your favorite thing in the world to do is to grab someone – anyone’s, really – hands so you can stand right up. You love standing more than almost anything. There has never been a time in your life where you didn’t love – seriously, love – putting weight on your feet and legs. Each time you do? BAM! Big smile. Even if just a second earlier you’d performed the same feat, smiles. What kills me, though, is that you can begin to lose steam, be as tired and cranky as can be and yet? You insist on standing. Always and always, more with the standing. You will not let exhaustion or irritation get in your way.
4) Hair. Kid, you don’t have much hair. Your Papa feels awful about this, since they say you get your hair from your mother’s father’s side. You do have his hairline – sorry – and his thin hair – sorry. You are fascinated with my own hair, almost to the point of obsession, and whenever you get a chance (which is always), you give my hair a good hard yank. I wonder if it isn’t to try and borrow some of it until yours comes in. It’s making its way, it’s true, but it’ll be a good long while before anyone is putting any pigtails in your fair.
You are super mobile this month. You’re seconds away from crawling. No joke. Any day now. I’m not sad, but selfishly I’m disappointed that this stage of you sitting in one place and playing with all of your toys around you is coming to end. It’s made life a lot easier for your dad and I, I can tell you. Peeing, grabbing some toast, making the bed…all of the things that require us to step out of the room for a second, or just be hands-free, have been made immeasurably easier because you can not only sit up, but also reach over, roll and grab the toys you want.
You are seconds away from crawling.
It’s been a tough month. First I had a molar pulled and some work done on my mouth. Then we all got sick. And then I had sinus surgery. There has been a lot going on that has pulled us in a million different directions. We did do a lot of fun things – walks, trips to see relatives, brunches with friends – but admittedly this month has been a bit of a blur.
Sorry about that.
Consistently, though, I find myself more amazed by you and how you change me every single day. For the better. This month I agreed to run another half-marathon with some friends, and there isn’t a lick of that commitment that frightens me. Not a bit of it. I may have to do the relay – I don’t have the time available away from you to train for long runs – but the training and work I have to put into getting race-ready doesn’t seem daunting.
Just by being here, being in my life, being my daughter, you have given me a faith in myself I’ve never had. I know I can do anything. I know I will do anything. You depend on it. I’m going to try hard, every day, not to let you down.
You are my favorite monkey.
xo,
Mama
Being a SAHM is a bit like a tub of frosting.
You know how when you were a kid, the BEST part of cake was the frosting? And you thought, boy, someday I’m going to get a tub of frosting and I’ll eat it all! Then when that day comes, you suddenly realize that frosting is good and all, but you really need the leavening influence of cake to make it special.
So sometimes I liken staying at home to frosting and work to cake. I have obviously been out of the workforce for a while.
I am mom who works out of the house, and I worked hard to find a daycare that I wanted to place my child in and I rush there everyday after work and can’t wait to pick him up. He loves all his friends there and sometimes doesn’t want to leave! I think both him and I are happy w/ our choice — and when he’s not with me — he’s somewhere having fun, with grandma, an aunt or a friend. It’s good that he’s able to be without his mama and have fun. I’m proud of that fact. And I think I’m a great mom!
It makes me sick how some moms are so judgemental…what works for one, doesn’t for another!
Oh, Erin, those questions! For the first 20 months that Audrey was Audrey, I worked for a tiny trade magazine publisher, where editors wore many hats. I managed editorial for two pubs–on in security, the other in custom home electronics. We were ad-run, like most trade pubs, and my sales team (Craig) and I traveled all the time to trade shows large and small to get contractors to subscribe and product manufacturers to advertise. I loved my work (for a while) and was good at it, but that certainly didn’t mean I didn’t miss Audrey and every minute I was away from her. Indeed, when a good opportunity presented itself in Jan 04, I jumped into it (and a slight paycut) so I wouldn’t travel anymore. But without that first job, I wouldn’t have gotten the second, and without it, I wouldn’t be here now, doing my dream job. And if I hadn’t worked, I would’ve been a miserably sad mom.
All a long way of saying: Good on you for not biting off their heads! Abigail is lovely and awesome and what a family you three make!
I’m a nurse who works three 12-hour shifts just like your nurse…and you know what? Three days each week, I don’t get home for dinner or bathtime or bedtime. Which means I might not see my toddler for two full days if I work two shifts in a row. It’s great that I don’t have to pay for full-time daycare and I love having extra weekdays to hang out with her but there is a balance that we’re all striving to achieve. I can’t believe that those women didn’t mention the downside of their decision. For any working mother to denounce another’s choices is so disgusting to me. We’re all trying to be strong mommas and strong women.
I’m sorry that someone is my profession was so rude to you!