If you’re just joining this blog, you probably don’t know that when I wasn’t obsessing over babies and sleep, I was obsessing over weight loss and body image. In the subsequent years since I began in earnest to change my life – loosely translated, this means I no longer drink like a fish, eat like a trucker and smoke like a chimney stack – I stopped talking about it all so much.
I hated obsessing over my body and my health. I knew I had better things to do, other things to focus my energies on, and I had to learn to trust myself that I’d figured out how to love myself and care for myself so that I wouldn’t let my health spiral out of control again. And so I did, and I was right: I never gained back more than 15 pounds of what I’d lost in total from 2002-2004 (55 pounds), I primarily made healthy food choices, quit smoking and curbed the drinking to a glass or wine or two once a week during the workweek and one night on the weekend.
Then I had the baby. While I didn’t drink and smoke, of course, eating was tough. I can count on one hand the times I ate a vegetable. Oh God, the thought of eating a vegetable made me want to vomit. I managed to eat fruit every day, but for the most part I was following a carb-and-protein diet. And even then it was a crapshoot. I beat myself up a lot in the beginning – like so many folks, I had grand plans for the pristine diet I’d follow on behalf of my child until I had day-long sickness up until midway through the second trimester. And of course I did fine in the 2nd trimester, but the third was all about survival once again.
I am fascinated by how my body responded to all of that, especially since I was in pain quite a bit and could barely walk across the street by the end, much less do any formal working out. I gained 35 pounds, 25 pounds of which I lost within the first two weeks, 10 that remained after.
And now I’ve lost five, with five more to go before I’m at pre-baby weight.
But the ubiquitous “they” ain’t kidding: it may be only five pounds, but it’s not as though my body even looks close to what it did before I had the baby, and even then I was still 15 pounds heavier than I’m comfortable with.
I lost five pounds this month by watching what I eat, which has meant little-to-no processed food, cooking more, portion control and using a Bodybugg. I work out 4xs a week using Chalean Extreme DVDs and walking. I use a Laptop Lunches bento box for my food every day, which I highly recommend, and I’ve completely cut out drinking Diet Coke, save for one on the weekends. While I’m not a proponent of cutting out food groups, I do shy away from bread unless it’s really awesome bread or I have a low-carb version. I try to not have seconds of anything, unless I’m actually hungry, and I do quit eating about an hour before bed, though with the baby that can be tough.
Physically I really do feel much better. I feel tighter where I should be, lighter and less toxic, if that makes sense. Obviously I still can’t fit into the majority of my pre-baby clothes – see above about the big body changes – but I’m making headway into more items every day.
Oh but sweet Jesus I am exhausted.
Mentally and physically, I just am spent. I started to notice this last week, and adjusted accordingly. There is a pretty regimented calendar with Chalean Extreme and I couldn’t make it work logistically with the baby – someone needs to be here so that I have the bandwidth to work out, plus with her erratic schedule (not always sleeping through the night and waking up at the same time), saying I’d “always work out before work” was lame and next to impossible. So from Friday-Monday I worked out, modifying the calendar. Until this weekend. I could not deny how tired I was, and went ahead and modified things once again, skipping a workout completely.
Another item of parenting I simply didn’t count on: how all of my energies would be used up in the act of parenting. From the planning to the execution to the strategy that is The Business of Raising Abigail, fitting in 40-minutes of fat burning is ridiculously hard. This is a common complaint of parents, of course, but until you’re doing it you don’t get it. You add heading back to work and any other life commitments, and it’s draining.
I’m not scoffing at the added health benefits I’m reaping; honestly, it’s nice to not feel bloaty and sluggish. But admittedly I am uncomfortable being at this weight, and I don’t much feel like myself. And I’m vain. I am. Not so much that I’d go to great lengths to lose weight, but enough that I’m serious about doing what I can to continue the scale’s downward spiral, even if it takes some time. And I don’t know that I have much of a choice in that regard with my life looking as it does now.
I was watching OWN yesterday, and the show Extraordinary Moms, and one of the women profiled mentioned the ol’ “You can have it all, you just can’t have it all at once.” I thought about that long and hard and it’s true. I can get back into shape, but I can’t have it right now as fast as I’d like. Because I’m not willing to compromise on sleep or my job. I’ve thought about working out during my lunch hour, but I like that time for eating and reading blogs and taking care of things I don’t get the chance to with Abigail on the weekends. I could do it after she goes to bed, after work, but I’m so exhausted that I can’t even pretend that I enjoy it. And the last thing I want to establish for my kid is the idea that exercise is a chore. It should add joy to your life.
So for now I’m only working out on the weekends, and watching what I put into my mouth. I’m going to try sleep earlier, though really? 9:30 p.m. is pretty early as it is and I do like to have time with my husband, get more work done, and still have time to cook and get ready for the next day. All of these things are just as necessary as losing weight, if not more so.
Something had to give, and that was it.
What have you had to give up or scale back on or put on pause?
Initially, the easiest way for me to get in the workout was getting off at a further stop and walking the 20-25 minutes to my building. But even then I was getting in about 5-10m later than I generally like, and I felt awful leaving at my usual time because it looked like I was skimping on hours. So if I think that my hours are being affected, the first thing to go is generally the walk. Could I wake up at 5 or 5:15 and get in a workout before TJ wakes up and we start our day? I could, but I think that sleep is more important right now. Once he starts sleeping through the night (GOD WILLING), I’ll think about changing my workout plan.
It took me until a year after the 2nd baby to really be able to focus on my weight and fitness. I tried a bit after #1, but I had to stop after getting pregnant again, and then I had a hard time balancing 2 kids. But it’s going well now. I also now a timed goal that I’m working on right now as incentive.
I work out during naps. I am lucky that my kids took somewhat consistent naps starting around 7-8 months. So I use the afternoon nap to work out with a treadmill and a tivo. I personally have not had luck working out before they get up or after they go to bed. Too tired! I also am starting to run with one of them in the jogging stroller as my fitness allows. They love to chill with a snack and just ride. I think if I had to fit in a workout around my old work schedule, it would have to be immediately after work with a snack on the train to hold off dinner.
It’s hard to fit another thing in, and my life is an ongoing game of, what’s most important to accomplish this week? So I hear you!
The hardest thing to understand before you have a baby is that your time will no longer be your own. You just can’t plan anything, because you’re at the mercy (more or less) of somebody else, and they are never predictable.
I have to admit that I was never very good about exercising and have been even worse since my kids were born. I was lucky enough to breastfeed off the weight (and more), so even vanity isn’t really a motivator. I used to get in a walk every day to get my first son to sleep at naptime, but my daughter won’t go to sleep that way so even the walk is now out the window. I have finally gone back to my weekly pilates class, and I do love it, though. Before kids I would do pilates videos at home, but now I see how helpful it is to have a weekly commitment to getting to a class. Once I’m there, nobody can climb on top of me or insist that I stop because they want to watch Blues Clues instead.
I think you’re striking a good balance right now, Erin. Once Abigail gets on a really regular schedule, it will all get so much easier. I had to work out during naptimes until Jack was 7 or 8 months old because it was the only time I could count on – and even then, it felt all hurried and crazed because he would sometimes wake up early and I have serious issues about incomplete workouts. And because I was dedicating naptime to working out, I had to give up things like eating a meal sitting down or showering before 5 PM. But I had to do it because exercise keeps The Crazy away for me.
Things constantly evolve, though. Jack now regularly sleeps until at least 6:30 AM (goes down at 6:30 PM – those twelve hours still feel like a nightly miracle), so I get up at 5:15 AM and head across the yard to the shop at the back of our property and work out before he’s awake. It’s not ideal, but it’s doable and that’s all I ask for these days. Ahh, the lowered standards of motherhood – gotta love ‘em!
How do you like the Bodybugg?
Its true, you can’t have it all at once. A really good lesson for our kids!! I often use that with M and Z when they want something they can’t have (at least right at that time). Last summer/school year I was going to yoga 2xs a week and that, combined with walking the dog was keeping me happy with my body. Since I started back to school I’m lukcy if I make it to yoga once a week. My weight is good, but I’m loosing my tone. It bugs me, but right now I’d rather use the time to study and get A’s so I can get into the nursing school that works best for my family schedule. I have a break after these classes before nursing classes begin, so I’ll return then. I don’t want to use another evening away from the kids to work out.
I bought some workout DVDs in anticipation of exercising during naps – turned out that didn’t happen. Our place is so small the sound would wake Archer up. So I’m the opposite from most mamas in that I now go to the gym MORE than ever before. Of course, the stars are aligned for me there – my husband goes to work later in the day, so I can easily go in the morning, and it’s only a mile away with free parking (a real perk in Chicago!). I doubt I’d be so good about it if it was harder to do.
It’s not extreme enough to be “exercise” as I used to know it, but I resort to stroller walks at the fastest walking pace I can go with my baby and dog or a cheesy video I found first at the library and then bought called “Dance Baby Dance” where you literally dance while holding your baby…again, these are NOT like when you go out for a hard 5 mile run or do a Chalene workout, but, after a mental struggle, have learned to count them toward my goal of working out 4-5 days a week. I’ve moved focusing on scale to this as my goal and it’s made working out feel more like part of my day than a chore or obligation. That’s a healthy mentality I want to pass along to my little one, too.
I miss cardio, so much. But as a single parent, getting to the gym isn’t going to happen again for years. So I’m getting a used exercise bike (my least favorite machine, but one my condo is best set up to fit) and will try to get in time after E goes to sleep at night. (Which has been 7:30 reliably, until the latest heat wave, and now she’s all off. Infant sleep, why you so unreliable? You killing me!) I figure even 20 minutes 3-4 times a week is better than now.
But yeah. As one commenter said above, your time is no longer your own. I’m only even commenting because it’s nap time, and rather than do the work I brought home, I’m screwing around on the net. Finite resources. Do the best you can and make sure you take care of yourself, and you win.
Maybe you should look into options that don’t take 40 minutes? One you may not have heard of is T-Tapp. It’s kinda hard to explain it, but they do a great job on their website and even offer video clips of some of the moves. Also – one thing to note is that this method does not focus on weight loss – it focuses on inch loss. Toning and tightening. The basic workout is 15 minutes and does produce results, but they’ve got many other variations that can increase the workout time to over an hour. I’d highly recommend checking them out. http://www.t-tapp.com
I love reading your blog. Thank you so much for inviting us into your life and sharing the good, the bad and the ugly.
Let me start by saying how much I have enjoyed reading you through the YEARS. But wow, everything you have written about pregnancy and babies has really hit home. Baby #2 is 7 months- I am 3 lbs below my first pre-pregnancy weight and yet, everything jiggles and nothing fits. So with the arrival of our new dog, I am walking the dog 3 miles every day either before the kids get up, with the kids in the stroller or after bed. I adjust based on how the night went. Plus I try and do 30 Day Shred 3-4 times per week. I am breastfeeding so having a hard time calculating calories, but really it’s the second helpings that do me in so great advice on that. Keep us posted on how things are going and best wishes.
I have about three weeks left of maternity leave. I’m scared because I’m so tired during the day and I’m not even working yet. I need to get to bed earlier than I do most nights. Exercise is a joke right now. I twisted my knee but good a few weeks into leave and I’m only now starting to feel like I can walk without a limp. I survived Costco yesterday with no limping. Victory! But how the heck am I going to balance getting healthy (or at least healthier) again with work, baby, husband and sleep? Yesterday I was up all day on 6 hours of sleep. Around 3:45 after Costco I could not function. Had a snuggly nap with baby around 5pm. Normally I won’t even be home by 5pm from work.
I haven’t gotten my bodybugg out yet but there’s discussion about the Chalean Extreme DVDs. Hubby wanted to get P90x but decided he’d just do P90 first. I told him if he would do Chalene (we own both already) that I would do it with him. So we’re going to try that. Soon. Maybe today. Have to dig out the weights and all that stuff though. So maybe Monday.
But last night I revisited what habits I had back when I was significantly lighter and healthier. I ordered some chocolate Shakeology. I hated doing it because of how ridiculous the price is. But my husband calculated out how much it is “per meal” which will be breakfast on work days and it wasn’t so bad. When I did Shakeology before I had a TON of energy. I’m curious to see if that was all in my head or if it will actually work again.
But I also figure that its an adjustment. Introducing healthy habits one at a time seems to fit right now. It will be a huge adjustment with work and I’m trying to coordinate all of that and still have time for baby snuggles and my husband. Guess modification of the best schedule will just keep happening until something clicks.
Wow, I’ve rambled. Must. Get. To. Bed. Earlier. Too. Tired.