Abigail has reflux. She’s also nearing on her sixth week on the planet, the combination of which has made her a delight.
And because I am a Type A sort of freak, I’ve been exhausting eveything I can think of to cure at least the reflux and maybe tone down the brightness on her crankiness.
Seriously, you parents know of what I speak. Her mouth turns into an oval, shaking uncontrollably, as her little baby tongue vibrates and changes the pitch of the noises coming out of her little cake hole, which to me sound like a feral cat.
But no. While it’s clear the reflux is being addressed, and my child is no longer suffering, she’s still in the worst of moods. Part of me believes this behavior is a direct response to me and how long I let her suffer, dubbing what were actually signs of pain as “Dra-Ma.” i cannot blame her. I’m such an asshole.
I kind of lost it last night when she again rejected yet another sleeping contraption I’ve brought into this house in the hopes of making out with my husband again.
Look, I get sleep. I get more sleep now than I did when I was pregnant, but what I don’t get is cuddle time with my husband. Sue me. I’m not mother of the year, I know.
My kid wants to sleep on her stomach, plain and simple. And no sleep device lets her do this and she’s still too young for me to just let her, though God help me I obsessively supervised a nap where she slept soundly, by herself, in her crib, on her stomach. It was the sounded sleep ever but there is no way I have the temperment to thumb my nose at collective opinion on infant sleep. Someday soon when she’s not so fragile and tiny.
So yesterday, despite it being a day that included a deep tissue massage and a manicure AND a pedicure, I had to take my leave of my daughter, all because the people at Amazon and Babies R Us who raved about the Fisher Price Rock and Play for babies with reflux don’t have kids who rejected it outright. But my kid did, dashing all of my hopes of telling the story of how we unlocked the code, with Zantac, Enfamil AR and Gentlease and $60 at Babies R Us, and I got to pinch my husband’s butt in the middle of the night if I wanted.
So today I called a truce with Abigail, helped by the six hours of sleep she and i got together on the glider last night. I spent all day being present for my daughter, once again cutting her the slack I would want – she is who she is and right now she is a cranky Mama’s girl, going through a very normal stage of infancy.
We both have cried today, though. As Anne Lamott wrote, truthfully, I guess I thought this was going to be more like taking care of a cat
I didn’t try to do anything but play, feed, bathe, change and serve as mattress to Abigail. It’s worked out well. She’s asleep on my lap, and I’m typing this on an iPad. We’ve watched TV and read stories and played and had a lot of bottles.
I had a Lean Cuisine. My bottle comes later when Daddy gets home.
The most I worried about was whether I dropped an almond or raisin near her mouth. It was decidedly less stressful and cuter. Neither of us are particularly attractive when we’re turned up to 11.
I love my daughter. I’ll miss these days together. I’ll be excited when she exercises her right to sleep on her own, on anything that makes her comfy.
I know exactly what you are dealing with re: infant who wants to sleep on her stomach. My daughter is now 7 and I figured it out when we were on week 10 of her waking up every hour and a half and me having the same God awful schedule. One night, I was sobbing uncontrolably while watching a re-run of “Yo MTV Raps” at 3 in the morning and was very dangerously close to losing my shit. I looked at my child and felt defeat and resentment. God help me, I didn’t want her near me but I knew if I put her down she would scream and wake up my husband who had to get up in an hour for work, so I laid her stomach down across my lap and rubbed her back. She fell asleep in 30 seconds and stayed that way for 2 hours. When it was nap time that day I put her in the bassinette right next to the couch and we both slept for three and a half hours! I checked her like a nutjob for the first 30 minutes but she was like a differet kid after that and when we did tummy time and it was clear to me that she could lift and turn her head, I just put her in on her belly. I told my pediatrician and he was mortified and gave me the speech but honestly? I thought he was full of it in this case. My friends were totally supportive though, so I didn’t feel like a total freak. I gave my kid what she needed and we were both better off in the end. When you are comfortable enough to do this (should you decide to) I bet she’s a different kid, happier and more relaxed – that was my experience at least. Good luck!
tummy sleepers here… they don’t know what causes sids- so who says it is tummy sleeping. There are sids mats you can lay them on that will sensor when there is no movement if that might bring you some peace of mind??
Have you thought about a dairy intolerance? My daughter did a 360 once I gave up dairy and soy. There is a dairy/soy free formula….
I understand wanting snuggle time. When I got home I was in our rocker/recliner for a couple weeks. My husband blew up an air mattress so he could sleep next to me and we could both tend to Jack where we had him initially sleeping in the pack’n'play. Now we’re back in bed but even with Jack getting more sleep, we’re not on a good sleep schedule ourselves and there is very little time for just cuddling. The little bits of that I have gotten are amazingly priceless.
I wish I had more to offer as for the stomach sleeping and reflux. We’re about to try elevating the mattress of the bassinet about 30 degrees so his head is higher than his feet but I know we’ve had it super easy thus far compared to all you’ve had going on. The worse I’ve had to deal with besides not getting enough sleep has been Jack snarfing his formula a few times. Scared the crap out of me when we looked down and formula was just dripping out of his nostril.
We also bought but haven’t had the nerve to try it yet – a Woombie to swaddle. Jack HATES not having his arms free and pulls a Houdini every chance he gets.
Sounds like you had a really good day of being present and lived out the meaning of “Be Here Now.” Perfectly wonderful.
My daughter’s now 26…she always slept on her stomach…why is it not ok now? Just curious…she seems no worse for the wear from it…any way my two cents Erin..hang in there..you are doing great. I still remember my frustrating days with my own daughter (my one and only kid!). There were days I felt like putting her in her crib and shutting her door and just letting her cry herself to sleep while I laid in my own bed with ear plugs just to get a little rest (I didn’t do that of course
. Trust me, it may not seem like it right now but time goes by too fast and next thing you’ll know she’ll be 26 instead of 6 weeks 
OH, you have my sympathies on the reflux. My son had it as well and it was an awful, awful parenting period, yea verily. My poor baby. My poor self enduring hours of screaming which I could not alleviate. In my case, my best friend’s son, eight days younger than mine, was a very happy baby and starting to SMILE, and I was all…my baby screams all the time and hates me. It sucked hardcore.
I won’t try to solve your problem (though I’m happy to tell you what worked for us if you want), but I will tell you that it DID resolve itself eventually, and you are NOT a bad parent because she has it or you didn’t reocgnize it sooner, etc. You will figure out what works for Abigail and she will get a little bigger and the medicine will kick in and it WILL stop hurting you all so much. I promise.
I remember trudging to Starbucks in a daze (my only respite during the bleakest, screamingest days of the reflux) with my son in tow, and a mildly intimidating, very scruffy construction worker of maybe 55 stopping me to admire my shrieking bundle of pain and saying, “It gets better. I promise.” Yes, I wept with him for a mo’ in the coffeeshop.
And he was right.
Hang in there.
I’ve been there. I’ve so, so, sooooo been there. My now-3-year-old was a hot mess from weeks 6-12. At 12-weeks, he learned to roll over and immediately became a great sleeper, both at night and at naps. You just have to survive until you’re comfortable letting her sleep on her stomach. Then, hopefully, you will turn the same corner that we did. This is truly the hardest part, if that can offer any solace at all.
Hi Erin,
long time lurker here de-lurking to say, i had a baby like this too, just 3 yrs ago. and one of the things that helped me the most was this web site–not sure if you’ve read Moxie before? great, practical advice with zero judgy.
http://moxie.blogs.com/askmoxie/
Hang in there. Abigail is beautiful, and you are doing a great job at the best and hardest thing in the world.
td
Oh, Erin. I was that kid, 38 years ago. I was, as beth suggested, allergic to my formula – soy based. Once the formula hoo ha was straightened out I was better. My step-daughter (now 11) was exactly the same. You’ll get it all figured out, I am sure.
Archer decided he wanted to sleep on his tummy at 10 weeks old. We’d put him on his back and he’d immediately flop over. Naturally this freaked us out, and we kept trying to turn him over – which led to the screeaaaaam! we all love so much.
At his three-month appointment I asked his doctor about it, and he told me, look, if the kid can turn himself over, he’s fine. Let him be comfortable. He’s seven months old now and still tummy-sleeps.
And, you know, you and I and probably everyone else here was put to sleep on our tummies and we’re all fine
Do what you feel most comfortable with, and try not to worry too much (ha, ha).
I’ve slept on my tummy since I was a baby. My mom would try to maneuver me several times during the night, to no avail.
Our boy is 14 weeks now. For the first four weeks, we coslept with him. And then I said exactly what you did, that I needed to feel normal by being able to spoon with my husband. So we moved the baby to the bassinet for a couple of weeks and now to his room. I sympathize, and we can both be out of the running for mother of the year.