Oh dear. Did you guys know that I’m pregnant?
Because I am.
I’m officially at that point, not as if this blog didn’t reflect it, of course, where the state of my state is the overwhelming focus of my life. Which, you know, duh, but still. I am boring and big, and did I mention boring? My coworker, Caleb, walked out of an office the other day and as he walked by me he laughed. Why? Because he saw me standing there talking to two other coworkers and he knew exactly what I was talking about without hesitation. Part of this is that he’s a parent himself but still.
I am now that person in the office.
People keep asking me when my last day is and they looked at me shocked when I tell them that I’m working until the bitter end. Admittedly this seemed like a fine idea before I was two weeks away from my due date, in pain and tired and sore. Now I think I should have my head examined. Of course, I think a lot of people are induced, so they have a cut off date, whereas I could go as long as 42 weeks before our girl thinks about leaving. I didn’t think it wise for me to take the chance of sitting around for two weeks with nothing to do, but maybe now I’m wondering if perhaps I could not be more wrong about something.
I just like being at work. We’ll see what happens after Friday. Why?
This morning I had some blood work done. I’ve noticed that my palms and the soles of my feet have become extraordinarily itchy in the past couple of weeks, later in the evening. I assumed it had something to do with being swollen and, you know, pregnant, but it turns out that all of that late-night itching can be a sign of choleostasis. We’ll find out Friday if that’s the case. From everything I’ve read, at this stage in the game (38 weeks, going into 39) it means I could go in to be induced, but that depends on the bile salt levels in my system.
Oooo. Bile salt levels. This pregnancy gets sexier and sexier!
I’m hoping it’s not. I’m hoping I can ride this out another week or so, especially since I was just gifted by a very sweet and generous reader with a prenatal massage scheduled for Saturday. (Who has the best readers ever? I DO.) I’m hoping I still get to have the birth we were hoping for, which doesn’t include induction. To be safe, I’ve covered off most, if not all, of my work stuff. The house has been scrubbed from top to bottom. I’ve got plenty of food frozen and ready to go…speaking of which, you should have seen me last night.
As soon as one of the midwifes in the practice called me back to say, well, um, you actually need to go and get tested for choleostasis, my brain went into overdrive on all of the last-minute things to take care of at home and at work, in order of do-or-die priority. Within 48 hours, I’m happy to say that we’re in good shape, although you wouldn’t have known it if you’d seen me in the kitchen last night, making three massive pans of shepherd’s pie.
Scott brought me home a pretty spectacular surprise and what was my response? “Are you going to rehang the picture over the stove?” His face, it just fell. And then of course as he pointed this out, I responded with, “Well, you said you were going to do it.” And then I shooed him out of my kitchen, irritated, where I propped myself up on a bar stool with my assembly line of cutting, chopping, cooking and mixing. We didn’t speak for an hour, but I did feel better knowing that I finished making a week’s worth of dinner and leftovers.
Anyway, if I have it, I have it, and I can’t emphasize enough how even if our plans take a different turn, every single moment spent in planning and preparation as been worth it. I could not be a bigger proponent of women and their partners investing the time and, oftentimes, money, in preparing for the birth of their babies. No one will ever be able to convince me that this wasn’t important because for us it was important on a level that’s almost difficult to express.
- We’ve gotten even closer as a couple.
- I have such a greater appreciation of my body and what I’m capable of than ever before.
- I learned how important it is to let go and get out of my own way.
- I am my own best advocate.
- My husband is my biggest fan, my best support system and I trust him so implicitly that I’ve even stopped nagging him in the car less as to how he should be driving because he is the world’s worst driver.
- Giving birth does not scare me.
I think I hear that from women quite a bit – the fear factor. Understandably, how we’ve presented pregnancy and labor as a society doesn’t make room for anything other than a terror-filled approach. My own personal experience with anxiety and panic attacks when I was younger taught me that oftentimes the physical pain we feel can be managed without drugs and artificial intervention. I worked hard at not having to rely on medications, and I knew I could apply the same approach here. Does this mean it won’t be painful? No. My panic attacks didn’t exactly go away, either, and I know they’re not the same thing, and I don’t really mean to compare the two.
Mostly it just means I don’t plan on exacerbating the situation by letting my body go into fight and flight, to act in ways that are contrary to what it wants to do naturally, whether I’m induced or not. It means not letting my brain go to uncertain, scary places that will only manifest themselves in unproductive ways. Plus? I just really love all of the ritual to hypnobirthing. It’s come in handy so many times already. I can’t say enough good about it. It’s helped me to deal with any of the fears I had about labor and pain and childbirth, and made me realize that I don’t have to just accept something because it’s “always been done that way” or that I don’t have options and choices.
It’s all been pretty empowering stuff.
For now I’m resigned to just keeping my feet up and seriously doing nothing at all. I’m not sure it’s possible for me to prep more than I already have, and I’m done trying to find things to fret over. My glider is here, and it’s awesome, and I’m going to spend some time in it tonight, watching TV and wondering what this time next week will look like.
Best wishes for a healthy delivery Erin!
I worked up to 38 weeks. After that, I was planning on coming in late but continuing to work, because getting up in the morning was the hardest part. But then my waters broke on the Sunday night and that was that. Can you cut down your hours but still plan to go into work? That way you’ll keep busy but not overdo it.
Your body is amazing, and it knows how to do amazing things. And you know how to trust it, so you’re well ahead of the game.
If you haven’t already read Ina May Gaskin’s Spiritual Midwifery or Guide to Childbirth, I can’t recommend them highly enough at this point in your pregnancy. I leafed through one (can’t remember which) all afternoon while my contractions progressed slowly, and it was the most inspiring thing possible.
Just because I know exactly what you’re going to say doesn’t make you boring. If that was the case, Glenn Beck wouldn’t have any fans.
I was induced with Cervidil overnight and then the doctor broke my waters in the morning. They did not use Pitocin (my request) or any other IV meds that would intensify labor, and we had exactly the medication-free birth we were hoping for and planning for. Induction can be okay for a natural labor! I hope you don’t have to be induced, but if you do, you can still have just the birth you want. All best wishes and prayers for a happy, healthy delivery!
While I’m sure the anxiety attacks give you good proof that you can put mind over matter, you have an even better comparison for labor and delivery: Running. At least for me, after four births, running a long distance is a clear parallel for labor. It gets difficult to the point that you want to quit, and then you hit that runners high and all is well. You just have to know you MUST push through that point of defeat to feel the true success. (And that is why my L&D playlist matches my running playlist. Nothing says “welcome baby” like Thunderstruck. LOL!)
As far as working up to the date, I did that 4 times, and appreciated it every time. The 6 weeks (or 8 or whatever) are much more needed postnatal than they are prenatally. This is especially true if you have an office job. I mean, sit in the chair at work or sit in the chair at home? As long as you have your office duties ready to be tied in a pretty bow at a moments notice, then I say work ’til the last day. Again, this is coming from someone who presented in a department meeting – while contracting – at 8:30 a.m. and delivered daughter #3 at 3:45 p.m.
I had bloodwork done to check my bile salt level a couple weeks ago. I’d been having really bad itching all over and not just on my soles/palms. It’s bad enough that parts of me look like I’m recovering from chicken pox because I scratched so hard. In my case the bile sale level was normal though one individual type of bile was a teensy bit high. If my itching gets worse we’ll check again. I’ll be 32 weeks on Sunday. Bile salts or not though I DO understand the itching at night. Feel better and relax. For all the planning we do its probably the thing we have the least control over.
Oh, and what that website says about cold… it does work. I usually rinse my hands before bed in very cold water or take a cool shower. When my itching acts up it usually helps me at least be able to fall asleep. My husband thinks my itching is related more to heat and dry skin that anything. In any case, cold water does wonders.
Fret not about the labor, I’ve been following your pregnancy on the blog and am a few months ahead of you (The Kiddo is 7 weeks) and labor and delivery really aren’t that bad (and I had the super intervention 42 week induction of doom, with the pitocin and all that, and I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat). The few weeks after are the really hard part I think, but that varies so much in terms of recovery and breastfeeding and how much help you have. Not that you need the encouragement, because you certainly seem to have it under control
but labor and delivery can be counted in hours, after hauling the kid around for 9 months it’s no biggie and over in the blink of an eye!
I think once you get into the labor room, being scared goes out the window. It did for me. I feared needles but I knew the route we were taking, I would have an IV inserted. It is amazing what kind of fear you can overcome especially when you don’t know what to expect. Yes, you can read numerous stories about childbirth but for you yourself to give birth is a unique feeling. Honestly, I was more scared the second time around because I knew what was going to happen since I had been there before. Also, I worried about things I avoided the first time around (episiotomy, pooping while giving birth, etc) would happen the second time. Enjoy your last few days/weeks…
It’s getting close! I’m so excited for you!
If anyone tells you to take castor oil to induce labor, though, IGNORE THEM. I tried it in desperation and spent the most miserable couple of days you could imagine…and he still didn’t come out for another two weeks.
I worked up till the end, which turned out to be about 10 days past my due date. I was lucky I felt very good during pregnancy, even at the end. The thing that drove me crazy at work, is every single person said multiple times “you’re still here?” I know they didn’t mean anything by it, but after the 50th time hearing this, I wanted to say “no, actually I am a very large figment of your imagination.”
You are awesome.
I worked up until the end, which was five days after my due date. I billed four hours (albeit from home) in the morning, went to acupuncture, went out to lunch with my husband at Whole Foods, and went into labor in Whole Foods. (Not as dramatic as it sounds — basically resulted in me poking at my chicken salad, saying, “You know, i feel kind of funny…”)
Go see a movie. Watch some bad TV. Eat something delicious. Get a massage. Get a haircut! Even though these last few weeks are physically miserable, try to enjoy as much as possible.
Here’s some info on itching in PG and choleostasis (in case you haven’t already seen it):
http://gentlebirth.org/archives/miscdisc.html#Itchy
Also, I might add that in my personal experience, when I had to be induced with my daughter, I did research and found that the option I was most comfortable with was the Foley balloon in the cervix (a mechanical method of induction). From the research I did, it had a lower incidence of the bad side effects I was worried about, and I liked that it was not a drug so it did not have any sort of half-life in my body (and therefore my baby’s body). I had a good experience, and I would make that choice again in a heartbeat. However of course you might choose something different… I just wanted to put it out there in case you do need to be induced, because it is an option that many care providers do not offer to women, so you might not be aware of it…
http://gentlebirth.org/archives/foley.html
Soon, soon, soon – but not too soon.
I still say the 17th is an awesome birthdate. One of the pregnant ladies here at work said she wasn’t scared or worried for her first child, but the second one freaked her out because she knew what was gonna happen.
The skills you used to finish the half-marathon, are the same skills you will be calling on during labor — mentally working through the discomfort (and it certainly is that) to let your body do what it was designed to do (and it is that, too).
You are going to be *great*