Last night the new managing director of my group took the VP team out to a gorgeous dinner.
There was wine, bread, steak and probably the most amazing key lime pie I’ve ever seen. My friend, Mary, was sitting next to me and she repeatedly told me how absolutely awful it was with each bite she sampled.
She’s a good friend.
I managed to make it work, asking for just lettuce so that I could drizzle olive oil and balsamic vinegar over it – which, by the way, is pretty awesome when you have access to really good olive oil and vinegar. Anyway, I chose the dinner option that had vegetables and ate around the protein. I sipped water all night and skipped dessert, though had I thought better of it I should have asked for a fruit cup. My friend, Jenn, is gluten-free and hers looked awesome.
So I hadn’t had to deal with this since starting this program two weeks ago, and I made it through unscathed. And, amazingly, no worse for the wear. Geneen Roth talks about how those of us who place so much emphasis on food as comfort or relief or punishment are keeping ourselves from experiencing bigger, better emotions associated with not giving into our worse demons. I associate so much happiness and unmitigated, joyful avarice with going out to eat. And there’s nothing really wrong with that, only in that I do it every time I go out. And shouldn’t there be an equal measure of joy associated with the social nature of going out to eat, maybe even more so than the food itself?
For now it was good to go home and not feel foggy or tipsy or bloated. I left feeling satiated by the company of my coworkers, and how grateful I felt to work where I do and with whom I work. Nothing was really taken away from the experience because I wasn’t indulging, and that was a fantastic, freeing realization.
Does this mean I’ll always eschew a dinner like this? No, I don’t think so. But in thinking what I would have liked to have tasted had I not been on this, my thoughts go to the wine. I think maybe it’s not just about moderation of some, but of all. Pick one of the indulgences, enjoy it, balance it out with healthier options, call it a day.
I’m now in the final stretches of the program. I’m not at all going to miss all of the damn supplements, I can tell you that much. Seriously over that nonsense. Admittedly I stepped on my scale, and I think I need to banish that stupid thing to the basement or the garbage. It’s not that result changed my mood, but that I seem to truly connect enough importance to it that I caved and looked at all. Even though I’ve lost 12 pounds (which seems insane to me, but makes sense), the only thing that should matter is how fantastic I feel. I’m like a junkie, I swear.
