Four
Posted in Baby Baby Baby, Love and Marriage on 09/21/2009 08:11 am by ErinSo it’s been four months, and there’s no sign of a baby anywhere.
I don’t want this blog to turn into a, I don’t know, infertility blog, because it’s not. But it’s been four months of trying and we’re not pregnant and after that much unprotected sex, you can’t help but reflect, or, at the very least, conjure up all of the cliches about not needing birth control in the first place, how it isn’t all that easy to get pregnant, etc.
Admittedly, it’s disappointing when you start to realize you’re not part of the same camp as your friends were, the kinds who got pregnant on their first or second tries. For as much as you remind yourself that it doesn’t always happen right away, you pretty much assume that won’t be you.
We’ve decided it’s still too soon to worry or fret. I have a Hashimoto’s diagnosis now, and I know that a bona fide thyroid disease will wreck havoc on your fertility. It’s being treated, there’s hope. That said, I had a dream last night that I took a pregnancy test and it showed two blue lines, despite the fact that my period had started. I’m not thrilled to be having those kinds of dreams already, but I suppose when you pee on enough sticks such dreams are bound to happen.
Saturday night over dinner I suggested we stop trying for a month or two. Life is hectic right now, and the stress we both have been feeling as been enormous. Scott countered that we may have been a bit lazier than we should have been. So, we came to the conclusion that we’d give it one more concentrated shot before putting the operation on pause.
So here we are at month 5. I’m not looking for advice or anything of the sort. We’re OK, if not a little disappointed. We know the statistics we’re up against, so it’s helped to temper our reaction. Just the same, we’ve been together four years this spring and I’ve already figured out that I could have save myself almost $1200 in birth control by now.
09/21/2009 at 8:51 am
Nobody – nobody – I know of our age has gotten pregnant in under 5 months, especially when they were trying quite hard for different reasons. I’m not sure it helps, but there you have it.
09/21/2009 at 10:02 am
Thank you for being open about this process – I had a full blood workup earlier this month to make sure I was ready, and now that everything looks good I have an appointment next month for a physical and a talk with my doctor before my husband and I start trying. Just thinking about having a baby makes me want to burst into tears and I’m not sure if it’s because I’m excited or terrified.
I haven’t told anyone except my sister, who I know can keep a secret. I think you and I are almost the same age (33) so I’m watching your progress and anxiously rooting for you over here. Starting this process makes me wish I had real-life girlfriends, but blogs are a decent substitute
09/21/2009 at 10:04 am
Heh. It has the potential to do the same to me, depending on the day.
Good luck Melissa! Make sure to let me know how things go!
09/21/2009 at 10:38 am
My husband and I tried for over 10 months at the time I was 34. Low and behold came back from Jamaica and I was 5 weeks pregnant- despite several negative at home pregnancy tests prior to leaving for vacation. Needless to say it was a wonderful (albeit a bit shocking) surprise. I am now 31 weeks pregnant and I have had an easy (knock on wood) unremarkable pregnancy.
09/21/2009 at 10:58 am
I can totally relate. I’m a bit further down the road than you are in that I’ve started some infertility treatment, but I so remember being in your shoes. There is a sense of loss in not getting pregnant “like everyone else does” and all that that implies. That said, while it seems like a long time to you, four months is nothing to worry too much about yet. Good luck!
09/21/2009 at 11:58 am
Not that you necessarily want to hear this, but more of my friends have had trouble getting pregnant than have not had trouble. Seems to be par for the course for those of us who have waited until we were in our upper 20’s or 30’s to have kids. And 4 months is such a tiny little blip. I really do think that in certain people it takes a lot longer for all of the birth control hormones to get out of a person’s system.
09/21/2009 at 12:47 pm
I remember having those conversations with friends when we all started trying to conceive.
“What the hell – we were terrified of getting pregnant before and now that we’ve been preventing it for years it’s not as easy as we’d feared? Could have saved a fortune on birth control.”
I had no problems conceiving with Hashimoto’s (but it had been treated for awhile by that point). I hope once yours gets stabilized you get your wish!
09/21/2009 at 1:03 pm
It’s funny how the whole makin’-babies process looks so easy…until you do it! Then everyone comes out of the woodwork to talk about how they tried for ages, had issues, and so on. Those stories make me feel a little bit better, knowing that we weren’t just freaks. Hope you can get the same kind of comfort in your journey as well.
09/21/2009 at 2:43 pm
I’m not sure if you were on the pill or not, but I went off the pill in October of 91 and did not get pregnant until February of 92…it took like 3 months to get all of that stuff out of my system before my body said, oh, ok, I get it…just keep eating healthy, get lots of sleep and have sex like every other day or every day…remember 14 days after the start of your period is the usually the most fertile time so start right after your period and see what happens…good luck…if it’s meant to be it will be…
09/21/2009 at 4:34 pm
Good luck Erin!
09/21/2009 at 6:17 pm
Not that you asked, but with Dylan it took us about six months of non-spontaneous ovulation-predictor, secretion-monitoring strategy sex to seal the deal. Not very SEXY, it must be said.
I’m sure you have this already, but just in case, I’ll recommend That One Book Everyone Recommends: “Taking Charge of Your Fertility”. Very informative.
09/21/2009 at 8:51 pm
I hear you. We’ve been trying for months and everyone else is pregnant except for me. I’ve started down the fertility road, so to speak, because of some autoimmune issues that I have that can affect pregnancy but luckily I have a really good doctor who specializes in that so I’m still trying to be hopeful. But it can be incredibly frustrating, especially when people keep telling you to relax and every month you come up negative. Hang in there!
09/22/2009 at 6:49 am
When my husband and I began trying to conceive, I started charting my morning temperature. My reasoning? If infertility was in the cards, at least I’d already have a record to hand the specialist. I did not want to “try” for months on end, only to be told “Go home and chart for 6 months before we talk.” I did not have the luxury of time on my side.
09/23/2009 at 9:41 am
It took us 7 months to get pregnant. As far as I know, we weren’t doing anything wrong, we’re both healthy, we’re relatively young, etc. That’s just how long it took. I know it can be really frustrating to keep getting your period every month (which, by the way, is a pretty cruel thing nature does. Like, not only are you not pregnant, but here’s some cramps and bloating to brighten your day as well). Anyway, hang in there. It’ll happen.
09/23/2009 at 10:48 am
I didn’t even ovulate until 2 cycles off the pill. We got our BFP on cycle #11. Granted, I have extenuating circumstances, and that pregnancy didn’t take, but 4 months, especially coming off BCP, is still well, well within the normal range. Most couples are pregnant with 12 cycles, as you only have a 20% chance of conceiving each cycle — and that’s 20% if you’re a. ovulating and b. timing intercourse within the 72 hour fertile window. Keep at it!
09/23/2009 at 10:03 pm
Just relax… seriously. Don’t think about it. I got pregnant for the first time at 35. It took about 5 months once we moved in together (about 2 months before our wedding) to get pregnant. The second time around (I’m having our second child in about a month or so), it took even longer and I’m 40 now. This time around I just charted my periods so I knew when I was ovulating though I didn’t necessarily make my hubby work overtime during then. I still took the relax and don’t stress approach. Good luck!
09/24/2009 at 2:24 pm
Oh, Erin. Four months is nothing. *NOTHING* You probably already know that even when all the conditions are *perfect*, the average woman has a 10-20% chance of getting pregnant on any given month. Most docs won’t even consider talking to you about infertility until after you’ve been trying for at least a year.
While Harrison was an accident of good timing, Matt and I tried for the better part of a year to get pregnant with Laurel, and I was 35. I conceived Laurel about 15 minutes after I told my acupuncturist that I wanted her to start skewing my treatments toward getting pregnant.
09/24/2009 at 2:35 pm
I have/had no medical issues to speak of, was 29 years old, had lots of sex at the right times and it still took me 8 months to get pregnant. Just takes longer sometimes, thought I totally remember thinking “why the hell was I so anal about the pill all those years?” many times. I hope it happens for you soon…I don’t know you in real life, but having read your blog for years now, I think you’ll be a great mom when it happens.
09/24/2009 at 2:54 pm
Seriously, you’re all so, so kind. Thank you so much.
09/27/2009 at 5:00 am
let me know if you want to try acupuncture at some point. i have a great recommendation for you. some ladies who do this as their specialty and have great results … not only with people who have problems, but with also preparing your body to make it more ready to conceive, etc. good stuff.
you two were meant to be parents. i know it!