Yesterday morning we got back from a week’s long vacation in Michigan where I ate cookies, had BACON cheeseburgers TWICE and drank beer. I ran only one time and spent the majority of the time lounging around with my kid and my husband, watching Sesame Street and Breaking Bad (respectively) and lying around on the beach.
In short, a fabulous week. I didn’t intend to “go out with a bang,” but I totally did.
However, despite cleaning and organizing my house, and ordering all of my groceries ahead of time for a Sunday delivery, my best laid plans went awry in the form of a toddler who had another agenda. Coming off of a vacation is tough for a little one, so naps and bedtime were a challenge. My husband suggested I hit my usual restorative/Yin yoga class at 7 p.m., and while I was hesitant, I knew it would be a good way to end my vacation/get ready for work AND this reset program.
I got home at 8:30 p.m., ready to prep, when my daughter woke up screaming and needed Mom Time.
Ah well.
So here we are. It’s just about 6 a.m., and I managed to only hit the snooze button twice when the alarm went off at 5 a.m. I went to bed for the first time in months without an iPad, and I moved my phone away from my bedside table – the idea being that too much electronic interference disrupts sleep.
I *think* only woke up once. I can’t remember. What I do note is that if I did wake up, not being near the iPad or iPhone made it so I had to take three deep breaths and try to go back to sleep.
I’m trying my hardest to get out of my own way.
With that in mind, I took the supplements (I still feel weird saying that I’m doing that but whatever) and settled in for a guided meditation, courtesy of Yoga Journal’s Meditation Revolution. I’d stumbled on it last month, and decided to incorporate it into the mornings for these next 21 days. Since meditation is recommended in the morning, and my mornings are usually spent spinning or boot camping, I couldn’t get my brain around doing it during this time. Not being able to do either of those things for the moment takes away the excuse.
They recommend you journal after meditating, writing down what you remembered or took away from that practice. Despite the fact that it was only a 10-minute guided meditation, I took away this: Scott was up to go for a run, and Glinny needed to fed, and there really isn’t a truly private place to go and do this so I decided to meditate in the office right off of our kitchen. Where the dog’s food is. I could feel the urge to get REALLYPISSEDOFFOHMYGOD with all of the moving and churning and activity taking place, but at that moment the guide said, “Just notice the thoughts and then go back to the breath.”
So I did. And the feeling left and I just kept on breathing.
This felt very symbolic of my life in general, and it was a neat little microcosm to take with me. And a quick lesson in how I behave. Why was it necessary to get angry with them – my husband, the dog – for just being up and doing their normal routine? What does that accomplish? Furthermore, what were they actually taking away from me and what I was doing that my reaction to their simple activity wasn’t doing ten times over?
I hope I can remember to keep breathing, keep letting go. I don’t want to bottle anything up, or deny what I might be feeling or experiencing, but I’m so quick to react, so quick to be impatient with those I love, over nothing. There has to be a better reaction.
So I didn’t prep for today – off to make my salad and my breakfast now – but plan to do that tonight. I am currently finishing my ginseng tea (please, for the love of all that is good and holy, do your magic against my impending caffeine withdrawal headache) and will head out to take the dog for a walk before getting ready for the day. I’ll work to capture each day (and the previous day) every morning.
I’m saying this now and putting it out there in the hopes of keeping myself honest.
I’m not going to do any personal stats until it’s over. I did have my cholesterol done in May, and need to get those numbers from my doctor, and then I’ll have them redone soon after. (If anyone knows a way I can do that without having to go to my doctor, drop me a line.)
For now, I’ll try and capture how I’m feeling, what I’m eating, what I’m learning from all of this. I’ll be doing more reading (in the hopes of resting more) and revisiting some old, old themes – Hi, Geneen Roth!
Now, off to make a salad.
