I’m going to go ahead and admit that seeing her today on the sonogram was a bit better than Christmas morning. I mean, both have their place, but …
I’m still processing what today was like, and probably will have more to say at some point, but first the important stuff:
She’s doing really well. No problems or issues, and our doctor said the entire ultrasound was “excellent,” which is what you want to hear. All of her parts were accounted for, and where they needed to be. She was a bit stubborn – she’s currently camped out in the far back of the womb, to the left, which made taking all of the necessary pictures pretty tough. It also has explained why the left side of my midsection has felt like a war zone. She covered her face with her tiny arms and hands, and by the end had curled herself into, well, the fetal position. I had to turn to the side to try and coax her out of her little huddle. It worked.
I have to say, though? All I kept thinking was how we needed to let her be, and that we were all getting to know each other and I really wanted to see what she’d do, what she needed, and not force her to be what we needed her to be just then.
WHO THE HECK AM I?!
It was the longest I’ve spent looking at my daughter, and it was lovely. I’m with her every day, of course, but I could watch how she moved, and saw her heart beat and work like it was supposed to. Her mouth was moving. I imagine she was saying something along the lines of, “Can you fuckers just let me be? Thanks.” Emo already! At one point, Scott asked the technician to let us listen to her heartbeat just a little bit longer. He later said, “I know that this is no big deal for the technician, but this our first kid!”
By the time we got to her spine – spine! – it dawned on me just how glorious the human body, my body, really is. What a gift this experience is. My body has helped make that spine – spine! – possible. How in the heck? I mean seriously. I can barely heat up a pizza and yet? I helped form a spine. Just by being here.
Wow.
