Baby Girl Smith is due in a month. Now I know that could mean she doesn’t show up for another week or two after that – or before – but generally speaking, we’re really in the home stretch.
The shower on Saturday was wonderful. Amazing. The kindness and love we were shown by our friends and family was amazing. Honestly. I stood around the nursery, after Scott brought everything in and upstairs, and I was blown away. Within hours, these generous, loving, supportive people made it so our daughter wouldn’t be coming home to only a stroller and a handful of onesies. And seriously? My daughter now has more clothes than the two of us put together.
I didn’t do a good enough of a job stopping to take it all in, but it was exactly the shower I’d wanted – everything was just incredible and I’ll post pictures soon. Ali, Lynette, Devyn and especially my sister, Kate, did the most amazing job.
Did I mention “amazing?” Because it was.
This week is a busy one. I’m performing at the Chicago Independent Radio Project’s regular reading series, “First Time,” on Wednesday at Schubas. CHIRP celebrates its first anniversary this month, and I was asked to take part, which baffles me beyond all belief because this is the bill:
Robbie Fulks
Josh Caterer (Smoking Popes)
Susan Messing (Annoyance Theatre)
Erin Shea
James Van Osdol
Matt Spiegel
Jim DeRogatis
It is hard not to look at that line-up and think, “One of these things is not like the other…” My fellow writer/performer, James Van Osdol, shares my sentiment, though he’s nuts for doing so. He does, however, include links to all of these amazing people. I’m reading a piece I wrote (and am still polishing up) centered on the theme of the night, which is “First Car,” and I’m really trying not to be intimidated by the company I’m keeping on this stage. I’m also really praying my daughter doesn’t decide to show up early and make her debut at Schubas along with me.
When Jocelyn asked me to do this a couple of months ago, I immediately said yes. I always immediately say yes to these things and then think about it and work myself into a scared lather. I am petrified of getting up in front of people, though I always seem to do it because my vanity and ego are bigger, it seems, than my fears. This time, though, I haven’t been nearly as scared, or as insecure. I knew in some way this would be a final bow to the person I am before having a daughter. Not to say I won’t keep writing, or performing if asked, just that it’s unlikely that anything I do from here on out won’t be influenced by being a mother. This all seemed like an opportunity to pay homage to that, and perhaps to my unborn kid.
I’ll post the piece after Wednesday.
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My girlfriend at work commented today that my daughter is still riding too high, as it were, for me to be too concerned about her making an appearance any time soon, which God I hope is true. I know I keep harping on this, but I just want a couple of weeks to lie around and not stress as to whether or not a crib is here finally (it is, but there isn’t a mattress or bedding, and I’m not even bothering with either for a while since she’ll be in a co-sleeper with us for a good spell) or if all of the boxes have been unpacked and shelves and bookcases been assembled.
I’m sure I’ll find something else to stress about, no doubt, but at least I won’t also be staring at myriad cardboard boxes littering my house.
So question time, and really, anyone can answer: If you were coming home from a life-changing event, in this case, having a baby, what would be the things you’d want waiting for you? Of course feel free to share what you did want, and perhaps got, if you brought a baby/puppy/whatever home.
Here is what I want:
1) A clean – CLEAN – house. Though I will call someone during contractions to insure this happens, you mark my words.
2) Fresh flowers.
3) Healthy casseroles I can pop in the oven. I also would like to have plenty of the oatmeal/brown rice/flaxseed thing I make in the crockpot for breakfasts. And lots of fruit. And, well, ice cream, even though I’m quitting that habit cold turkey once this kid gets here.
4) A Tivo/DVR with L&O, Housewives, Modern Family and The Daily Show.
5) Clean bedding.
6) A Manhattan/good bottle of Malbec
Your turn.
Two of the best things we had waiting for us when we brought Lexie home:
1) My parents, ready to stop over a couple nights a week for an hour or two so Andy and I could either leave the house for an hour to grab dinner and feel (slightly) like normal human beings again or slink upstairs to lay down uninterrupted for awhile. I highly advise seeking out family to do this regularly if your p’s and Kate are willing – knowing you have a break coming is infinitely helpful on those long days (and make sure they are ready and willing to handle constant crying if that’s what they’re getting for the hour they’re at your place!).
2) A Tivo full of Harry Potter. The movies were all on TV right around then, and we recorded them so that whenever we had a free half hour or hour while she slept, we could settle right in and escape the craziness of our real life for the craziness of Harry & Co.’s.
3) Bagels! The easiest thing to grab to eat in the morning once Daddy’s gone back to work and it’s just Mama and baby.
Love you!
I wouldn’t say the person you are now is going away when you have the baby. If anything, having kids makes you appreciate that person more, and you’ll find ways to make time for her too. You have to, or else you’ll go crazy
Not only a clean house when I get home but someone to come back a few times for touch-ups.
Help. A friend or relative to do a load of laundry or walk the dog or wash the dishes or hold the baby. So I can sleep.
While nursing I appreciated any kind of snack…I was famished during those early growth spurts. Nothing could satisfy me.
Also, with both of my babies I made a chart beforehand that I printed out for to keep track of their eating and diapers. Have those ready and waiting for you. Maybe even bring some to the hospital.
Comfy pjs, breast pads, and pad pads.
I am in awe at how organized you are! I think that you have thought of everything! Very excited for you and Scott!
With my first, I was obsessed with having a clean apartment to bring the baby home too. With the one I just had (two weeks old today!), I was less obsessed, but still spent my last day at home cleaning, changing the linens, and washing clothes.
I never really got ambitious beyond that, but if I’d planned it better (either time) a packed refrigerator would have been nice. Not so much for dinners, because I just delegated those to my husband, but healthy and not so healthy snacks and drinks and stuff for lunch and breakfast, etc. Especially because you’re sort of locked in at first, particularly with a winter baby, and if you’re not typically at home during the day, the contents of your fridge are never quite satisfying. And breastfeeding makes you hungry and thirsty.
More than anything, I want someone to put away my laundry. I can wash and dry it, but I hate, just loathe, putting it away. It’s a thing for me. I’d scrub toilets all day long just to avoid it.
Are you looking for casserole recipes or just throwing that into the universe
? I was too wiped too cook, personally, so I cleaned out Trader Joe’s frozen section.
I wanted and got not one dinner but two (1 adult and 1 toddler) hot dinners delivered daily for one month from a group of woman I was in a mother’s group with. It was truly the best gift!
Someone to do laundry would have been nice it seemed like mountains appeared overnight.
Extra set of hands:)
Supplies for yourself….pads, tucks pads, stool softeners….all the stuff most people forget to tell you you might need. You’ll probably be sent home with some, but never enought.
Joe was a real trooper and went to buy all these things for me when I got home – but this time around I promised him I’d be prepared to save him from that dreadful trip to the store.
There was a whole process in the bathroom for the first couple/few weeks after delivery. I remember when the nurse told me she’d help me twice and then I was on my own…I felt like I had to write a list so I’d remember all the steps! The joys of motherhood! And, for some reason, we do it more than once!
A clean house, food, and family help all rank right up there too.
I also wanted to come home to a clean house. I wanted my folks there for a few days while we settled, but then I wanted everyone GONE so we could figure out what the heck we were doing. (My folks live 2 hours away, so it was perfect).
That first night home, my dad made us a fancy steak dinner with an awesome bottle of red wine that he had been saving for us. It was divine.
My work folks arranged dinner to be delivered 3 times a week for 3 weeks, which was fabulous. I had high blood pressure and I delivered in the summer, so they brought food at about 5:30 ready to eat with fresh ingredients. There were always enough for leftovers the next day, so I didn’t have to rely on heavy freezer casseroles in July.
The small things that made my world more comfortable for the first few weeks:
1) a donut pillow (the kind that people with hemorrhoids use). Things weren’t quite the same for the first two weeks (I had some minor tearing and inflammation). The donut pillow made me much more comfortable.
2) A place for the baby to sleep and to change her diaper downstairs. I did a lot of wearing her around, and instead of putting her up in the nursery when she fell asleep, it was nice to be able to lay her down downstairs. Once we started working on a schedule, we shifted to naps and bedtime in the nursery, but during those first few weeks, we kept a pack-n-play with a changing table attachment downstairs. We didn’t have to walk upstairs for every diaper change, which was really nice.
And finally – all 7 seasons of Buffy.I also watched a lot of True Blood and Dancing with the Stars with her asleep in a sling while I bounced on a ball. I hope I didn’t cause long term damage.
I’m typing with my 6 week old laying next to me…Here are the things that I wish I had in place when we got home…
1)If you are planning to breastfeed— A plan to temporarily put in place should breastfeeding prove to be too challenging right off the bat. I thought that I had done everything right. I read the books. Met with a LC prior to giving birth and utilized the LCs and nurses at the hospital. Regardless, we ended up having major latch issues due to a tongue-tie and I had no choice but to exclusively pump to feed my baby and get my supply off to the right start. I wish that I had spent more time prior to the birth learning how to establish a great supply even when the baby is not directly latching on…It took me a few days to gather all this info and I missed out on some valuable time.
2)Some sort of diaper changing station on each level of the house. If you have muliple levels to your home, it will be very helpful to be able to change a diaper or grab a burp cloth without having to run up and down stairs.
3)A few pads thrown in the freezer. If you are sore when you arrive home, your lady parts will appreciate having these already frozen.
4) Some extra treats for the dog and a plan for daily walks/excercise
Best wishes for a happy, healthy and relaxing end to your pregnancy. You are in for the time of your life in these next few months!
I second everyone who has mentioned plenty of snacks and juices. You need to stay very hydrated, so I would pour myself a huge glass of water, add some cranberry or apple juice to it-and sip away. I lived on Jimmy Dean egg and sausage biscuits when I got home, which I don’t recommend. I had an emergency C section and my husband had just started a new job, so he had to go right back to work. They were in the freezer and easy to pop in the microwave. I know that won’t happen in your case, but plenty of good healthy snacks which you can easily grab is really nice.
Some friends of ours brought over a lasagna and a bag of groceries after our son was born and I remember being SO thankful for that gesture as we didn’t have family close by to help out with meals. One of the best things for me as a new nursing mom was full fat greek yogurt (the honey kind) – OMG, so good! You will be amazed at how much you need to eat and drink those first few weeks of breastfeeding, so don’t kick that ice cream habit just yet! ; )
Good T.V./movies, clean house, lots of snacks and plenty of fizzy water made me happy (and will for baby #2 as well) oh, and finally a lovely glass of wine!
Food. My “nesting instinct” manifested itself as a need to bake many batches of muffins and freeze them. I was gently mocked for this but dammit, they were perfect nursing snacks, because you can eat them one-handed! But also, easily-heatable, eatable-with-one-hand dinner type things.
Also, we stocked up on things like toilet paper, paper towels, etc so that we wouldn’t have to make extra grocery store runs for a while. This turned out to be smart because two weeks after my daughter was born Seattle was hit with a two-foot snowfall and we were effectively trapped in the house for a week.
I can’t leave for a 3 day vacation without cleaning the house. Coming home to a clutter- free, clean place is essential to my mental sanity. So ditto that!
A clean house, and actually… a little time and space to myself. I get overwhelmed with too many people and get a little socially self conscious. So really? Maybe just me and my husband for a while. I’d need space to process, I think, before seeing a ton of people.
I’m also a big crock potter, and like to divide up crock pot soups into single servings for individual meals. You (or someone) could make them ahead of time and freeze them in small tupperwares for reheating. It might be a good way for you to stay hydrated and nourished without having to whip up a home made soup during postpartum?
How’s the upstairs remodel coming? Have you and Scott moved up there yet?
Good luck on Wednesday!
I think the others have some great suggestions.
I would also add – to coordinate meals (anyone bringing them to you) you can use the free web site http://www.mealtrain.com. I am not affiliated with them in any way but I use it for all my friends who have babies.
Also, stock up heavily on all the basics – pantry staples as well as toiletries (soap, shampoo, toilet paper, etc.). That way you won’t have to buy any of those things for the first few months, when even trips to Target seem overwhelming.
Finally, make sure you have some sort of support system in place for connecting with people, especially other new mothers. I know people can tell you in advance what a huge shock it is but you never really know until you experience it for yourself. And that connection with people in general, but especially other mothers, is invaluable. That’s one of the reasons I liked going to La Leche League meetings (besides the breastfeeding support specifically).
I totally agree with the diaper stations in every area you spend any time in. Baby’s room, your room, living room. Get a couple nice insulated thermos bottles to have ice water in so you have it ready to go whenever you get that desperate nursing thirst, and have trail mix stashed with it too. Keep those anywhere you might sit down to nurse, along with a few favorite books in each spot that you can pick up and enjoy – you don’t want to have to listen to a screaming baby while you try to find the book you’re in the middle of that has disappeared under a baby blanket.
The other big thing – have contact info for people. Doula, LLL leaders, (me if you want
) – you might have questions when you’re stuck under a sleeping baby and have a showering husband and what is a smartphone for except to make that happen. Even in the hospital, if the nurses are busy and the LC hasn’t come in yet, it is SO helpful to have a number to call to get advice when you need it, not when other people have time to get to you.
1. Someone to come and help straighten up and do the loads and loads of onesies and sleepers with spit up and poop on them (my mom and mother in law both put in appearances and even cooked).
2. After they were gone, any and all meals that people were willing to provide us for dinner. It just seemed to always be a difficult time to get it together. I highly recommend using that crock pot!
3. After a few days, guests and books were things I couldn’t have done without! A girlfriend to drop in with Arby’s and visit (perhaps fold some clothes). An aunt to pop over with convenience foods and hold the baby for a bit.
Just had a baby two and half weeks ago and here are some things I really appreciated (aside from what others have already posted):
1. We stocked up on paper goods at Costco before the baby came. The comfort that comes from vast amounts of toilet paper is amazing.
2.Earth Mama Angel Baby Bottom Balm and New Mama Mist and Cottonelle wet wipes. Trust me.
Some things that I think I would want….
1. A brand new pair of pajamas for ME. Since it is winter and I like to be warm, I’d get a new pair of fleece ones that are warm and cuddly and soft.
2. Along those same lines, I’d get at least 1 new lounging type outfit….sweatpants or yoga pants and a cozy sweatshirt or t-shirt.
Those are the kind of things that never are as nice after a few washes, so I think it would be nice to have some brand new ones.
Ditto on the clean house. We had someone do this for the first three months after he was born, which was awesome, and there was still plenty for me to do.
Also: my parents. I’m pretty sure I would have died without them. One of them was with me at all times that first month, and I can’t imagine how I’d have coped – my husband got promoted 2 weeks before Baby M arrived and was working 80 hours weeks, so I needed lots of help!
Breastfeeding the first two weeks was excruciatingly painful, so I needed someone to sit with me for the first minute until the pain eased and squeeze my hand. I used those little baby washcloths to bite down on and stifle the screaming – I’m not joking. My Mom was mystified by this, as she never had that experience when BFing, but after a few weeks, that letdown pain eased and baby and I got better at BFing. During that time, our doula came over twice and helped me with positioning, latch, etc – she was an angel. Great to have someone who you can call when it’s tough.
A baby monitor. Once I could get the baby to nap for longer than 3 minutes, I’d take the handheld unit with me into the bathroom, and it flashed lights if he made noise, so even when showering I could see if he was making noise. I know it’s an old cliché that new moms don’t shower, but it was non-negotiable for me. I found a way to shower every day, because it was the only thing that made me feel human. Also, with everything that’s happening in your nether regions after the baby comes out them, it’s good to get a good rinse once a day!
I came back to a filthy pigsty the first time around, thanks to an early baby and a husband who had been running home from the hospital but never picking up, and it was the WORST. I felt like I was bringing home a pristine delicate baby to an episode of Hoarders. Clean house for shizzle.
I liked listening to podcasts or audiobooks during long lonely wee-hour feedings, so I’d say an iPod loaded with some cheery human voices.
I addressed all of my birth announcements before the baby, and then just had to pop in the details and have them printed up at Kinko’s (my sister, an artist, did the original art for a simple cardstock announcement), stuff and mail out.
Keep some thank you notes and stamps to respond to all the gifts that will come your week in the first months.
If you can, set up a basket with diaper changing station supplies on the first floor so you don’t have to walk upstairs every time to change the baby.
Don’t forget an auto ear thermometer (WORTH the price)for the first months when the baby is fussy and you call the doctor to ask about it and they ALWAYS ask if the baby has a temp. The ear thermometer will be worth its wait in gold.
All suggestions here are awesome. I suggest some bras in various larger sizes than you are even in now. Woah do the boobs get big once the baby is actually born! Also, comfy clothes that also make you feel decent. My mom bought me some cute but roomy button-downs from Target. Again, not that you’re obsessing about how you look with a newborn, but it’s nice to feel good and not schlubby (that’s how I felt, anyway).
Not sure how your house is laid out, but you may want to have a contingency plan should you have an emergency C-section and have to be downstairs. Sounds like that is super unlikely in your case, but…we didn’t want to/expect to have one either, and my husband drove himself to exhaustion moving a bed, clothes, books, etc. downstairs, etc so that I could be comfy (what a guy!).
I second (third?) having a diaper changing station & baby sleeping place set up on each floor. Also, if you have bathrooms on both floors, have a bathroom on each floor set up with your supplies (peri bottle, pads, tucks, etc.) or keep it all in a little basket or something, so you can easily carry it all from floor to floor. After my first was born, I was so sore that I could hardly walk. I went downstairs in the morning and didn’t go back upstairs until I went to bed at night.
I forgot to make my suggestion! A postpartum doula is a wonderful thing. They can help with breastfeeding, cook, do some light tidying, see to Glinny, and even take the baby for a bit so you guys can sleep. My husband and I had zero infant experience, so having one for two days made the transition much less terrifying.
I discovered trxietracker.com a few weeks ago when my daughter was a couple months old, and it has really helped me figure out what the hell her patterns are — everything is such a blur that I can’t remember what happens one day to the next, and writing down sleeping/nursing times didn’t really help me.
No need to cut out the ice cream if you’re breastfeeding! In fact, I think I ratcheted up my intake after the baby came. It’s so cruel to yourself to go cold turkey, and calcium is important.
To second Erin’s comment, showers are non-negotiable for me too. And, now, with my second, I can’t remember why I thought they were so impossible to take with my first. I remember waiting for my husband to get home or making him wait to go to work so I could squeeze in a quick shower so I wouldn’t lose my mind.
This time around, I just put the (generally sleeping) baby in the bouncy seat and put it in the bathroom while I take a shower, leaving the door open so it doesn’t get steamy. No biggie. I can’t imagine why I felt like that was such an impossibility last time. Baby monitors would work too, but I still haven’t dug mine out of storage and, frankly, I’m not sure I will because I can’t sleep through even little baby grumps, my apartment is not big, and my kid is LOUD.
1. Diaper stations-Agree!! Going up and down stairs and room to room is a pain
2. Lots of water! When I nursed, I drank a huge glass each time, couldn’t get enough
3. Agree with Kate about having a plan B for breastfeeding. I had such a hard time nursing Zoe, from latching to not enough milk to mastitis. It totally sucked and I beat myself up a lot for it. I wish I would have someone who was (besides Doug because being a man with no boobs and me postpardum I assumed he couldn’t know what he was talking about) to tell me formula was okay and/or help me in a nice way (the LCs I saw were mean and made me cry)
4. Someone to hold the baby for a couple hours so I could sleep
5. Like Kate said, shower= baby in the bouncy seat. Even if you only get two minutes in there, she will be fine and you’ll feel better
6. Red wine, chocoalte, and sushi
You’re so close!!! Good luck!!
Someone to do your laundry.
As everyone said, but I was floored by how much laundry piles up. Loads and loads and loads, every day.
Wash. Dry. Fold. Please. Someone else.
And…ice packs, water by my bedside table (nursing makes me ridiculously thirsty the first couple weeks), Lululemon pants.
A few things that haven’t been mentioned:
1) a clock that you can see from every chair in which you might breastfeed. It’s very helpful to have a sense of how much you’re feeding and how long it’s taking. (Not that you should be on a schedule — but if you have problems, it’s good to be able to have some record of what you’ve been doing.)
2) a back-up plan for breastfeeding — a number for an IBCLC, a really good breast pump, some formula and bottles. I worked so hard and did everything right, but still had low supply. If you have any indication of low supply whatsoever, talk to a LC ASAP (but not one who makes you cry; lots of them, for some reason, do) and rent a hospital grade breast pump, which you should use after you feed the baby every single time. Low supply sucks and like someone said earlier, if you don’t catch it early you miss out on crucial time.
3) a plan for what you can ask people to do for you. My family was visiting and wanted to help, but I couldn’t think of what they could do. Have a few things in mind (cooking, running errands, organizing the baby clothes, whatever.)
Good luck!
Oh, and possibly breast pump extra parts! Lost a teeny-tiny valve on mine down the drain and panic ensued!
My daughter is 20 months old. All of this seems so long ago. It’s crazy how time flies.
I was worried about so much stuff when I was about to have my first baby. I thought I was pretty prepared. All of it kind of flew out the window when the big moment arrived. And when we brought her home? I had been terrified that the house wasn’t ready, that we didn’t have all the necessary “stuff,” and that I would screw it all up. In the end, I think I was too tired to sweat all of the small stuff. It’s all about survival during that first few weeks.
Having people around to help is a big plus. I was fortunate to have family who could come visit and stay for a few weeks during the first month. It’s handy to have that so you can, well, take a shower and go to the bathroom without feeling rushed.
Enjoy these last few weeks and get ready for the biggest adventure of your life.
Oh, and talk the nurse into giving you some extra ice pack things to take home with you. 