A Stretch

I hobbled all of last week. Not even an exaggeration. The kickboxing class put me out of traction for days, and despite a yoga session the day after, I subjected everyone around me to winces and yelping and whining and it was, in a word, ridiculous. For as much as I loved the punching and kicking, I’m against any sport that knocks me out of commission for that long.

And then I saw Ani Difranco in concert last week, and any time I’m around that much woman-positive energy I have a hard time being mean to myself for the sake of fitness. It all seems very antithetical anyway.

In all sincerity, I took this week off from all overly physical exercises. Maybe it’s the weather – it probably is - but the only thing that seems interesting to me this week are long walks outside with the dog, followed by 30 minutes of yoga in my living room. None of it is particularly strenuous or difficult, but I do feel better afterward, which is what exercise is supposed to do for you anyway. I’m taking a pass on alcohol for the next couple of weeks, and trying to sleep and meditate more. I’ve roasted vegetables, baked proteins and made a lot of things with egg whites. Tomorrow? Egg whites with mushrooms and spinach and peppers from the garden. I suspect there will be some cheese, made from the dairy farm where we got married almost a year ago. There should be a little less peanut butter, even if it is the natural kind. I can’t help myself. Do you know how good a tablespoon of peanut butter is in some Greek yogurt?

I think it’s this: I’ve been stressed out and exhausted and there is so much going on that to keep up with my training just seems to be putting one more thing onto my plate, which makes me resentful and sad and angry and right now I need my wits about me to make it through the next few weeks.  I can’t eschew any exercise, but I can’t have it be one more chore. Sometimes we have to focus on self-care and quiet, so that’s what I’m trying to do.

This also includes trying to be less negative in my day-to-day leanings, but I’m failing a bit there. Tomorrow is another day. During my yoga practice tonight, I couldn’t escape the nagging I felt, and it was a direct result of me leaving the office a bit anxious. I walked a mile to the train, and thought I’d shook it off, but I hadn’t. So, as they say, I stayed with that nagging feeling, which was remorse, and let it sit there with me for the rest of my session. It was a long 30 minutes, but at least I didn’t run away from it. Progress.

Anyway, I have a hankering to run in the morning, but I have a big 5K on Sunday morning. One of my friends is running her first 5K and a few of us are running along with her to support her. I’m very excited, but also being very conscious of not doing anything to hurt myself before Sunday since it marks the only race I’ll do all year. We’ll see where I am come 6 a.m. tomorrow…

So I’m stretched and quiet and still these past few days, and it’s nice. I’m listening to my body, and respecting what it needs, and probably feeding it too much peanut butter – again, even so good on its own. I don’t understand people who don’t do peanut butter. You all aren’t my people. – but I’m here and present and open.

How are you?